Merekatkan 'H' untuk Hati

Well... akhirnya salah satu hal yang paling ditunggu di bulan Juni tiba. Setelah penantian panjang dan penuh harapan dan guncang galau tiada ujung, pengumuman hasil seleksi berkas untuk Research Student ke Jepang dirilis tanggal 10 Juni kemarin. Apakabar nasib aplikasi zz? Juga nasib Ria Adek yang ikut apply?
The decision has been made. It said that : ... that we didn't make it! Why? I have no idea. :D
And I am not interested putting some drama in this scene right now, We've done doing that in real before this talk written here, haha.

I actually was in Lhokseumawe to attend The 4th ICAIOS, the International Conference on Aceh and Indian Ocean Studies, held at Unimal Lhokseumawe started from June 8-9, hosted by Unimal and Harvard University. Harvard? Yes, my dear, you're not mistaken in hearing things. This project was successfully conducted and it just got better and better than before. Alhamdulillah.
So, on that 10th June, I was in one of panel discussion and actually before the presentations began, earlier in the morning, I sent a text to Ria asking her to check the Japan Embassy website. I could not access it since I was engaged with the agenda. Few minutes later, she wrote me that she did not find our name in the list. At that time, I replied immediately, "berarti belum rejeki ya dek, kita ikhlas aja". But, when I walked back into the panel room and reached my seat, I clearly felt that something just hit my deepest inside. It hurts a bit but I ignored it readily. I was prepared for the discussion though.

I also had the news confirmed few hours later after Oya, my sister replied my message and told me the same, there was no my name there. Ahem. Okay! This is how things done for this time! I smiled or that's how I really want to feel and do at once. :D

I told kak Famel and Bai when we were having lunch about the result. They tried to cuddle me by saying, 'there's still Fulbright" and "Insya Allah then Fulbright will be the best ?" said them. I just said 'aamiin ya Rabb' till my deepest heart and yea, they're right, Allah may prepare better scenario for me, not with this scholarship. I should not let myself down, I dont think I should. Just be husnudzan, zz, that's how I pamper myself and my heart.

Then, when we arrived at the guess house, it was very late, 11.30 pm, almost midnight already. After took a bath, I was told from inside that before closing my eyes and taking a rest (I was bloody exhausted to be honest!) I opened my computer and went through the website. No, no, it does not mean I did not trust them or I just hope the fact would change this time. Not that. I just wanna witness it myself, hahaha. I felt different and weird feeling I don't know how to describe exactly. I just talked to myself :  "so, this is how you will feel when you saw something or you checked it through a list and ended up by finding fact that your name is not there". Funny how things worked out after that. hahah. I smiled widely yet bitterly. Then I turned off my computer, then turned my body facing kak Famel's bed so I feel a bit comfortable knowing she is there sleeping in peaceful right beside me,  and... Then I prepared to sleep. I honestly will tell you that I was trying a bit hard to fall asleep. My mind was kind of wandering to many places, dragging many thoughts and hopes hanging right here, right there. Full loaded. I prepared zikir and said praying till finally I lost in dream I could not even recall when I woke up in the morning. We're all extremely in hurry since we're late and the bus will be coming to pick us at 7.30. None of us woke up early that day! Disaster!! We even had our nasi bungkus for breakfast (thanks alot Pak Saiful for your care of us! I know and I can see, you're a truly leader! You deserve to be the best!) in the bus taking us back. We ate the nasi guri without water, water came after few hours later, hahah. And during the eating, we need to hold the bungkus by our left hand. I almost could not manage this thing! XD anyway, it was really enjoyable and rarely happened!
One more fun thing for sure, we were in the same bus with Matthew Menarchek from Cornell Univ, Dag and his wife, Mbak Diyah Larasati, they're both from Minnesota Univ and they really are sweet couple!! :)
Well, even  you could imagine, that it was very undescrible, right? Yes, the hectic activity that morning helped me to make the announcement set away to the safe place till... I arrived in Banda Aceh and met with Adek, hahaha.

We agreed to meet at Chocolate, our favorite place recently. We kept smiling in significant signs and just simply laughed. Her words in her text just pop up suddenly in my mind, "my heart just broke in five parts, kak, we need to glue them back together". What a lovely sister I have. :)

Then we talked many good things, supported each other,  said the best praying, and hope that Allah will give the best for us. whatever things are!
Insya Allah. Of course He's the one who really know things that fits us best. We just need to trust and husnudzan toward it.

Well, another news is approaching, what will the news look like then...