And... It began

Sometimes you're wondering how a story, your story will end. Sometimes you will ask yourself whether everything you plan would work as you expect or just fall instead.

Yet, here one of my stories, or to be more specific, my love story has revealed its ending. I meant the ending of all the curiosities, all of the wishful thinking, all of the hopes, in between angst and everything, Allah showed us what has been covered behind, the man who would take my hand and walk along the way together with him for the rest of our life has come. The one who once came and never left the road we once agreed to take. The one who showed me how a good heart and perseverance would work just perfectly well once you just give the rest to ALLAH after working hard on it. He's the one who impressed me and continue doing it day by day. For everything you have done and keep doing it, thank you, Abang. I thank Allah for giving me this chance to be someone's wife in this life.  I'm so glad I can't really describe that someone is you.  Every time I think about this, I'm so blessed and excited to start a new life with you, a kind hearted-guy I once fell for a long time ago but never thought that we could be together again after all those things that happened. long and another story about this to come for sure. XD

7 days. Right. Our togetherness is as short as it sounds, I know. It's just as heavy as both our hearts to bid a farewell for now. Insya Allah in around twelve days or shorter we will be reunited in a place where we could celebrate again and counting more our thankfulness to Allah who grants me this great great happiness by his side. We are going to walk down the memory lane soon and experience the blast to come, insya Allah.

Clearly 7 days was nothing for some people. but for us, it was a great chapter of introduction into a big, thick story book of two of us shaping the life of each other, together, till we grow old, together, aaamin Ya Rabbana.

Alhamdulillah, since the Akad on May 7th at 8 pm, we are officially a husband and wife. 😊 


(Polonia Airport, Medan on a busy Monday waiting for my next flight back to Banda Aceh)

An odd lyrics translation

"You said you're not crying
but your voice was trembling
so I just held you there,

There's not even a hint that
we'll be able to promise a future 
for one another
so why me
I'm sure 
there's no answer to that

And you said you're not crying
but your voice was trembling

I know, I know. That's kind of weird feeling now when you read about it and think,"Wait! What was happening here?"

How could she ended up with such lines on her notes. seems like those were from some random sad dramatic lyrics or some translation from an anime ost? an anime she once watched? Probably. 

And someone was just so in the mood of walking down memory lane to degree to consider including this leftover of some old note over here. Probably it is good to keep things that once had a meaning for the younger you, I guess. It's like looking into a mirror and see how much you grown up and how things (although it is just a little thing that probably you won't even remember if it was not kept in a page like that) just shaped you into a person you become now. I found it intriguing. 

Email from Yesterday

It was there since yesterday I noticed. I however was surprised for its subject, "Birthday message" since it's not his birthday for sure and it's not coming in any time soon. In fact we share the same month. Thus, I was wondering and decided to just read it right away although that was not my plan when I checked my inbox. I just wanted to check if there's any email from school or my sponsorship. well, you don't know what you will get everyday in your inbox, right? 

I landed on the sentences whereas he wrote about why he used that subject reply (which was a reply to my email to him years ago), to write me and how he nicely inferred whether it's me who once wrote him that email or its someone else. 
Well, that just made me spontaneously whispered to myself, "yeah, probably people changed, no, the feeling did...". 
A friend of mine told me that and this time I'm pretty sure she's gonna be excited if I tell her that I get it. Hey, I second you. Yeah, time changes the way you look at things too, sometimes.

I finished reading those three paragraphs and left out with the nostalgic and uncertain thought about things that happened years ago. I couldn't help to think it thoroughly and was impressed on how differently I feel when I read it and about to reply his email, compared to the feeling when I recalled the excitement I had when I once wrote him back then. It's been a while and I clearly could see how distant we are now and how I personally have been doing that unconsciously. 

Well, honestly I don't know. when we met again last time I could asses how my current feeling about us and how we just can't go any further. It's just my personal thought that I never got a chance to discuss with him. I kept it and think it's better that way and the trip we took last time would make him understand on how platonic our relationship is after I learned what was really going on and how reactive I was and how I want to put things in order afterward. I even rewarded myself on how clear my mind was after those days and how relieved I am to see the way I deal with it like a grown girl. 

I thought we are already done and move on from that phase until that email came. It's like it signaled that him questioning my different act towards him now. I meant we still keep in touch but just for few important updates and not as actively as we did before. Sorry. 

I did reply it right away. I don't want to be a bad guy here. that's the last thing I want to do in this world given the fact that I was so broken inside. I guess some people did learn the hard way, huh.

Yet, I realized how I hated it that it made me checking my inbox again tonight just in case he replies it. As far as I know, he's kind of guy who would get back to you as soon as he can and would let you know when he can't, moreover when he is the one who write first. So, for whatever comes, we will see, at least I'm trying not to complicate things. I look forward to how it resolves. Finger crossed, as always. 

Silent Talk

It's not the first time since we were apart, when there was a conversation played again and again in my mind. Again, this time can't help not to think about it and all we've been through...
it's always there, I assure you
and the prayer we keep saying
let it reach sky for gazillions times, let it be...
Allah would always love to hear when we ask Him, wouldn't He?

Alrigt! Here goes again,some line quoted from my favorite song for this mind-hectic week. It's not a heinous thing to keep doing this to your mind, I believe. because in between the angst and fear, we do have many delightful moments. Allah is close to your heart, He listens every hope from every soul...

It's been a long day without you, my friend
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
We've come a long way from where we began
Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
When I see you again...

(Charlie Puth ft Wiz Khalifa- See You Again)

Do we have to know the answer?

It rings the bell right away! I forgot that I ever read it somewhere about this, do we need to know the answer for every question we have in mind when life sometimes gives us a challenge to face, when a problem comes, when unpleasant thing happens. 
I mean for me, there were few times I tried to arrange some puzzles to put in a good composition for the meaning I was looking for. and this one just like, 'aha!'. 

It happened within two weeks when I was feeling ill accompanied by fever, cough and headache, I could not do much for works or any regular activities. it was really bad flu time for me as far as I could remember since I've grown up. yet, in the last weekend, I could spent some relaxing time watching a light stuff but not that light as it turns out it's fun yet has some reasonable heart-warming and values to our humans world. well, it is subjective and varied from one to another, also depends on how you like enjoying some pop-culture stuff like this. haha.

I am talking about a nice quote from one of the scenes in Emergency Couple, Korean drama. the quote is originally from a book that Song Ji Hyo (she plays as Jin Hee) borrowed from Gook Chief, the head of department in the hospital she is working. Make it short, and after I googled it further, the book is The Eight Words by a Korean author, Park Woong Hyun. 

"The world has no answer. Marrying someone, knowing whether you'll be happy or not, that's something no one would know. Don't look for the answers.  With every decision, the right and wrong answer exists. Wise people make a decision and work towards making it the right choice. Foolish people make a decision and regret it and making it the wrong choice. The world has no right answer. But, there's a process to making the decision the right answer" (The Eight Words by Park W. Hyun)

Well said and it strikes right to the heart, honestly. Too true to handle. That's life and mysteries it offers. You work your best on every step and decision you make in life. Let alone the judgements do their favor to stand between your doubts. Just ask Allah and your heart when you decide, then you just do it. 

   Jin Hee was reading the quote in the      book outloud to Gook Chief.

Books that They Read

Well, I am telling you this again what my good friend has quoted it once, If you want to get to know someone, read what s/he reads and writes. That's very true.

admittedly, I'm always drawn over people who likes reading and writing. Either when they write about stuff that's new to me or things I could relate to. it always happens. It does.

there's someone whose mind and character I am fancy of. we were in the middle of conversation about him telling me he likes to read old books and sometimes he writes too. and now he stopped, I meant, writing. because for reading I still saw him few times when he goes to our University's library and come back with some serious books. He's really something, I know. 

"... and why you stopped?" asked I 
" I don't have time..."

I chuckled as it does sound too familiar to me and I don't even bother to ask why. I myself know that phrase too well. *oh God, my blog*

"I'm too busy with graduate school, research and my side projects..."

"that's understandable. you also teach, right?"

"I do..."

"What did you write about?"

"politics" he answered that firmly and I was like, "whoa, that's... heavy..."

" haha..." he's just laughing hearing my response. 

"I read some of your notes in Facebook tho"

"oh? you did?" he's in kind of blushing tone

and we talked more about our reading stuff. I don't even need to explain how happy I am to confirm that we share the same hobby. By the time I get to know him, he's now officially in the list!  
List of my favorite people. 

Thank God for such privilege meeting an adamantly thoughtful person like him in my journey. Life keeps many secrets to reveal time by time you walk through the path. 



Hadits for ROTD

Rasulullah bersabda,"Kerjakanlah apa yang bermanfaat buatmu dan mintalah pertolongan kepada Allah. Jangan mudah menyerah dan jangan pernah berkata, kalau saja aku melakukan yang begini pasti akan jadi begini, tapi katakanlah, Allah telah menakdirkan dan apa yang Dia kehendaki, pasti akan Dia lakukan"

Ya Rabb, I feel content now. I'm glad that I found this Reminder of The Day. Alhamdulillah.