Silent Talk


It's not the first time since we were apart, when there was a conversation played again and again in my mind. Again, this time can't help not to think about it and all we've been through...
it's always there, I assure you
and the prayer we keep saying
let it reach sky for gazillions times, let it be...
Allah would always love to hear when we ask Him, wouldn't He?

Alrigt! Here goes again,some line quoted from my favorite song for this mind-hectic week. It's not a heinous thing to keep doing this to your mind, I believe. because in between the angst and fear, we do have many delightful moments. Allah is close to your heart, He listens every hope from every soul...


It's been a long day without you, my friend
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
We've come a long way from where we began
Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
When I see you again...

(Wiz Khalifa- See You Again)







Do we have to know the answer?

It rings the bell right away! I forgot that I ever read it somewhere about this, do we need to know the answer for every question we have in mind when life sometimes gives us a challenge to face, when a problem comes, when unpleasant thing happens. 
I mean for me, there were few times I tried to arrange some puzzles to put in a good composition for the meaning I was looking for. and this one just like, 'aha!'. 

It happened within two weeks when I was feeling ill accompanied by fever, cough and headache, I could not do much for works or any regular activities. it was really bad flu time for me as far as I could remember since I've grown up. yet, in the last weekend, I could spent some relaxing time watching a light stuff but not that light as it turns out it's fun yet has some reasonable heart-warming and values to our humans world. well, it is subjective and varied from one to another, also depends on how you like enjoying some pop-culture stuff like this. haha.

I am talking about a nice quote from one of the scenes in Emergency Couple, Korean drama. the quote is originally from a book that Song Ji Hyo (she plays as Jin Hee) borrowed from Gook Chief, the head of department in the hospital she is working. Make it short, and after I googled it further, the book is The Eight Words by a Korean author, Park Woong Hyun. 

"The world has no answer. Marrying someone, knowing whether you'll be happy or not, that's something no one would know. Don't look for the answers.  With every decision, the right and wrong answer exists. Wise people make a decision and work towards making it the right choice. Foolish people make a decision and regret it and making it the wrong choice. The world has no right answer. But, there's a process to making the decision the right answer" (The Eight Words by Park W. Hyun)

Well said and it strikes right to the heart, honestly. Too true to handle. That's life and mysteries it offers. You work your best on every step and decision you make in life. Let alone the judgements do their favor to stand between your doubts. Just ask Allah and your heart when you decide, then you just do it. 

   Jin Hee was reading the quote in the      book outloud to Gook Chief.

Books that They Read

Well, I am telling you this again what my good friend has quoted it once, If you want to get to know someone, read what s/he reads and writes. That's very true.


admittedly, I'm always drawn over people who likes reading and writing. Either when they write about stuff that's new to me or things I could relate to. it always happens. It does.

there's someone whose mind and character I am fancy of. we were in the middle of conversation about him telling me he likes to read old books and sometimes he writes too. and now he stopped, I meant, writing. because for reading I still saw him few times when he goes to our University's library and come back with some serious books. He's really something, I know. 

"... and why you stopped?" asked I 
" I don't have time..."

I chuckled as it does sound too familiar to me and I don't even bother to ask why. I myself know that phrase too well. *oh God, my blog*

"I'm too busy with graduate school, research and my side projects..."

"that's understandable. you also teach, right?"

"I do..."

"What did you write about?"

"politics" he answered that firmly and I was like, "whoa, that's... heavy..."

" haha..." he's just laughing hearing my response. 

"I read some of your notes in Facebook tho"

"oh? you did?" he's in kind of blushing tone

"yep..."
and we talked more about our reading stuff. I don't even need to explain how happy I am to confirm that we share the same hobby. By the time I get to know him, he's now officially in the list!  
List of my favorite people. 

Thank God for such privilege meeting an adamantly thoughtful person like him in my journey. Life keeps many secrets to reveal time by time you walk through the path. 

 

 

Hadits for ROTD

Rasulullah bersabda,"Kerjakanlah apa yang bermanfaat buatmu dan mintalah pertolongan kepada Allah. Jangan mudah menyerah dan jangan pernah berkata, kalau saja aku melakukan yang begini pasti akan jadi begini, tapi katakanlah, Allah telah menakdirkan dan apa yang Dia kehendaki, pasti akan Dia lakukan"

Ya Rabb, I feel content now. I'm glad that I found this Reminder of The Day. Alhamdulillah. 

Memperbaiki Kesyukuran


Oh Allah, 
make me feel You and only You is enough
because eventually, nothing will matter, everything else will be gone
All I have will be taken away
So Allah...Please
Make me content with only you in my heart

(credit : Mysara, picture taken from Pinterest)

Life in Graduate School

Another chapter on my life as graduate student in Physics.
I know now that I have my favorite tutor. yay! Alhamdulillah.
I actually tried to ask his help and he just agreed on it right away. That boy, can I borrow your brain?
huhu.
"At what time it's convenient for you?"
"umm,  10 am?
"okay, that works!"
"cool!"
"how about the place? are you at Rundel reading room by tomorrow?"
"I'll go to your office?"
"oh really?" *terharu*
"yea... haha"
"okay, thank you! really appreciate that!"
"no problem!"
"see you tomorrow"
"see you...!"



and that's how he started helping me with study before the exam. It's pretty clear and much easier to follow his explanation through the chapter. once again, Can I borrow your genius brain?! :o

This class makes me crazy and wanna run to the wall and hit my head repetitively! bahahha.
Anyway, thanks Cameron! Its very kind of you!

Nyan keuh, jak lom u Amerika. Jak gob jak tanyoe, trok keunoe, rhoe ie mata. T.T



Melihatmu di merata tempat

Ada saat-saat ketika hati ingin sekali pulang. menyusup ke bawah pelukanmu.
menyelinap dari belakangmu, lalu memelukmu yang tertidur, lalu membaringkan diri di sebelahmu, ataupun sambil merangkulmu. diam-diam saja aku melakukannya.
maka jenak ini bernama rindu.


Kau akan mungkin sedang memasak, atau memanaskan sup ketika aku tiba di rumah hampir tengah malam.
"makan apa di jalan?" begitu tanyamu, dalam rekam jejak memoriku.
atau
"bagaimana di rumah sana?"

Lalu aku akan bercerita panjang lebar hari-hariku di rumah kos di Banda Aceh, bersama Dek Alfir dan Dek Amar. Lalu aku ganti bertanya dan kau akan bercerita tentang hari-harimu di sekolah dan di rumah dengan Ayah dan Dek Ata. Karena hanya kalian bertiga di rumah. Maka ceritamu  akan berkisar tentang Ata dan hal-hal lucu yang dilakukannya di rumah. Tentang ayah yang selalu sabar mengantar dan menjemputmu saban hari. ya, tentangnya, laki-laki yang kau banggakan setelah ayahmu. Ataupun juga tentang sayur bayam yang menurutmu terasa aneh sekarang. Tentang bumbu pisang goreng langganan kita puluhan tahun yang tidak berubah rasanya. Tentang uwak dekat rumah atau ibu guru tertentu temanmu di sekolah. Atau pula tentang piring berwarna putih yang lebih kau sukai lalu aku akan menimpali kalau aku menyukai versi warna hitamnya karena aku lebih dulu melihat gelasnya. Lalu kita berusaha memuji warna kesukaan kita masing-masing, 'iyaa, dua-duanya bagus juga..."
Hal remeh temeh dan segala tentangmu yang membuatku tersenyum sendiri atau mengerjapkan mata yang tiba-tiba berair tiap kali mengingat sosokmu. Sedu tertahan, aku tahu untuk beberapa saat lamanya aku tak bisa menghamburkan diri ke arahmu, ke dalam dua tanganmu. Lalu engkau akan mengusap kepalaku. Hening di sela dudukku bernama rindu.

Kadang di lain waktu aku akan duduk di meja makan, menungguimu. mungkin engkau sedang memanaskan sup dan ikan buat makan malamku yang sudah dini hari. Walaupun aku tak makan banyak, dan bilang tak apa, kau tetap melakukannya jika kau tahu aku pulang. Lalu kau akan menemaniku makan, meletakkan emping goreng kesukaanku di atas meja sambil menanyaiku banyak hal, menatap wajahku dalam-dalam. Aku seperti bisa melihat kedalaman hatimu di bening teduh matamu. Ada binar di sana, menghangatkan tiap sudut hati yang dingin. Aku selalu bersyukur tiap kali pulang melihat wajahmu.

Kau juga akan menanyakanku ingin dimasakkan apa. Atau kau akan membawakanku kue jajanan atau mie goreng yang dijual di sekolahmu. Aku seperti merasa masih berlari-lari dalam seragam merah putih dan engkau setiap pagi menyisir rambutku. kadang aku seperti masih bisa mendengar omelan pagi khasmu karena kami tidak bergegas atau tidak menghabiskan sarapan atau bertengkar rutin yang tidak jelas juntrungannya dan membuatmu kesal.

Aku masih ingat ketika dengan hati-hati bertanya padamu apakah aku membuatmu sedih dan kesepian karena jarang sekali pulang dan tinggal berjauhan darimu, atau bahkan ketika memutuskan melangkahkan kaki memenuhi janji dan cita-citaku. Aku memutar-mutar cangkir kopiku dengan senyum berusaha mencandaimu bahwa engkau pasti punya ayah yang begitu perhatian dan tidak mungkin akan kesepian. aku setengah bercanda sebenarnya. :)

Kau berbalik dari counter meja dapur sedang mengaduk kuah yang sedang dimasak, tersenyum sebentar menatapku.
"Mungkin karena mamak ingatnya kamu di Banda aja, gak jauh. jadi masih bisa lah, gak apa-apa. Jadi gak terlalu berasa"
Sambil mengangguk-angguk lega, paling tidak aku tidak membuatmu sedih dengan jarang menghabiskan waktu di rumah. Sejujurnya ada rasa bersalah dan tercubit ketika tiap kali engkau menelfon namun pertanyaanmu selalu tidak pernah lupa,'kapan pulang?'.

Aku menikmati semua saat bersamamu Mak. diomeli, dimarahi, diceritakan banyak hal, mengantarmu belanja, membuatkan teh, membukakan jendela kamarmu di pagi hari dan menutupnya sebelum magrib. Menemanimu di dapur, berceloteh banyak hal, tertawa dan kadang merengek tidak penting namun menyenangkan hatiku. menonton TV bersamamu walau lebih sering aku kemudian berbaring dan dipijat minyak kayu putih jika aku sedang kurang sehat. Atau sebaliknya, memijat kepalamu dan bercerita kesana kemari tentang hari-harimu dan banyak hal yang kau lakukan yang banyak sekali terlewatkan olehku.

Tahukah mak, engkau masih seseorang yang paling bisa membuatku tertawa tiba-tiba ketika sendirian lalu terduduk diam di sisi tempat tidur dan nelangsa mengingat semua hal tentangmu. Yang membuatku mennagis diam-diam saat menyuapkan makanan ke mulutku karena mengingat masakanmu yang selalu menjadi primadona dan senyum bahagiamu ketika menunggu kami mencicipinya lalu serempak memuji rasanya.
 "Enak kalii alhamdulillaaah"
"aaah... surga duniaa..."
"Kekmana dulu gak pernah mendekati rasanya kalau kami yang buat?"
dan segudang komentar yang membuatmu tertawa-tawa dan menyuruh kami melanjutkan makan. Kau mungkin berusaha menyembunyikan emosimu saat itu, anak-anakmu pulang, duduk mengitari meja makan dan makan masakanmu, menikmatinya seolah kami anak-anakmu yang kemarin pagi masih diantar ke taman kanak-kanak, yang hampir setiap saat selalu merepotkanmu.

Engkau pula, yang suara, wajah di layar saat sekarang kita terpisah jauh selalu menjadi obat penentram gelisahku. Skype berjam-jam yang mampu kita lakukan untuk membunuh rindu, mendengarkan ceritamu tentang hari itu, tentang kelucuan seminggu lalu, tentang saudara yang meninggal, tentang sepupu yang menikah atau melahirkan, tentang kau dan ayah yang pergi ke pasar atau sekedar jalan-jalan.
Rindu itu menguap sesaat namun segera tertabung lagi setiap kali kita usai menutup layar. Selalu begitu.

Mak, selalu ada wajah dan senyummu di merata tempat tiap kali aku mengayunkan langkah di sini. kadang di rumah, di dapurku, di sudut kamarku, atau di belakangku menungguku selesai tilawah, aku merasa engkau ada di merata sudut. Aku tahu, aku rindu padamu sebanyak itu.


 and today, when I look up to the sky, it took me miles away from here...