Email from Yesterday

It was there since yesterday I noticed. I however was surprised for its subject, "Birthday message" since it's not his birthday for sure and it's not coming in any time soon. In fact we share the same month. Thus, I was wondering and decided to just read it right away although that was not my plan when I checked my inbox. I just wanted to check if there's any email from school or my sponsorship. well, you don't know what you will get everyday in your inbox, right? 

I landed on the sentences whereas he wrote about why he used that subject reply (which was a reply to my email to him years ago), to write me and how he nicely inferred whether it's me who once wrote him that email or its someone else. 

Well, that just made me spontaneously whispered to myself, "yeah, probably people changed, no, the feeling did...". 

A friend of mine told me that and this time I'm pretty sure she's gonna be excited if I tell her that I get it. Hey, I second you. Yeah, time changes the way you look at things too, sometimes.

I finished reading those three paragraphs and left out with the nostalgic and uncertain thought about things that happened years ago. I couldn't help to think it thoroughly and was impressed on how differently I feel when I read it and about to reply his email, compared to the feeling when I recalled the excitement I had when I once wrote him back then. It's been a while and I clearly could see how distant we are now and how I personally have been doing that unconsciously. 

Well, honestly I don't know. when we met again last time I could asses how my current feeling about us and how we just can't go any further. It's just my personal thought that I never got a chance to discuss with him. I kept it and think it's better that way and the trip we took last time would make him understand on how platonic our relationship is after I learned what was really going on and how reactive I was and how I want to put things in order afterward. I even rewarded myself on how clear my mind was after those days and how relieved I am to see the way I deal with it like a grown girl. 

I thought we are already done and move on from that phase until that email came. It's like it signaled that him questioning my different act towards him now. I meant we still keep in touch but just for few important updates and not as actively as we did before. Sorry. 

I did reply it right away. I don't want to be a bad guy here. that's the last thing I want to do in this world given the fact that I was so broken inside. I guess some people did learn the hard way, huh.

Yet, I realized how I hated it that it made me checking my inbox again tonight just in case he replies it. As far as I know, he's kind of guy who would get back to you as soon as he can and would let you know when he can't, moreover when he is the one who write first. So, for whatever comes, we will see, at least I'm trying not to complicate things. I look forward to how it resolves. Finger crossed, as always.